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King Tut

[ website | The World of King Tutankhamen ]
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Ha! [25 Jul 2002|09:28am]
[ mood | amused ]

Anything that mocks Osiris has got to be good.



You, Osiris, are one weird chap. You're a green skinned mummy whose true interest is vegetables, ever since you were chopped up and reconstituted (all except for your penis, which remains lost--your new one is made of wood, considerably dampening your libido). Now you rule the underworld justly but largely dispassionately.


What Egyptian Deity are you? go to: the quiz!

2 stolen treasures| Raid my tomb

Here, Boy! [25 Jul 2002|09:01am]
[ mood | anxious ]

A few days ago, I got to have a chat with Anubis. I caught him on a rare instant, while he was lapping water out of a bowl and gnawing upon a large camel bone.

I asked him how the death toll was lately. Anubis just barked.

Well. That's what *I* get for trying to hold a conversation with a farking DOG.

Do me a favour, boy. Ask Osiris how long he expects me to stay in this dump (he's so hard to get an appointment with-fucker). Frankly, I'm getting just a little fed up. This place is filthy, the food's horrible, and I tire of these fucking Arabian carpets.

There'll be another camel bone in it for you, if you help me out!

Raid my tomb

.... [15 Apr 2002|08:08pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

Hey! There he is!!

4 stolen treasures| Raid my tomb

??? [15 Apr 2002|08:00pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Around 500 years or so ago, I lost my royal pet crocodile, Amunusten-Ra. I've been searching for him ever since I kicked the bucket. You'd think after more than a millenium, I would have found him by now.

Amun! Where the fuck are you?! My wife is screwing Osiris and you are my only hope for companionship. :( Have pity on your poor keeper!

Remember who fed you years worth of braised geese, ungrateful swine!

Raid my tomb

... [21 Mar 2002|07:18pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

My good for nothing wife has done nothing but frolick with The Lord of the Underworld ever since she got here. Well thanks a billion, hun.

Danged arranged marriages.

4 stolen treasures| Raid my tomb

Dang! [21 Mar 2002|07:17pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

You know, since I have all the time in the world to think, I've been thinking about the regret I feel for wasting so much of my life preparing for my death. I was barely around for 19 years....and what did I accomplish? I got myself a bigass tomb.

The number of parties I missed because I was too busy taking sarcaphogus measurements, nauseates me. And for what? To eternally lie here in a box, being dragged from city to city so people can stare at my petrified toes. Moving moving, moving. Can a guy EVER get some sleep anymore?!

Let me tell you a secret:

The afterlife is HIGHLY fucking overrated.

Raid my tomb

YECH! [21 Mar 2002|07:14pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

This sarcophogus is fucking FILTHY! Where in the Underworld are my servants?!

And those priests swore they'd be mummified to tend to me in The Afterlife.. *sneer*

Raid my tomb

Damn You [21 Mar 2002|07:05pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

I really REALLY hate being so unsightly.

Ever since my beauty rest was so rudely interrupted by this fucker, my appearance has really gone downhill. Lucky my hidden tomb cameras were activated and managed to get a shot of the culprit. Made things easier for my curse to find and dispose of him.




Now, Mr. Sleep Depraver is floating around somewhere in The Afterlife with me.

I hope he steps on a crocodile soul. Hehehehhe.

Raid my tomb

&*&&&@@^%#@ [21 Mar 2002|06:52pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

You may be wondering why I'm so cranky. Well, besides the fact that I am dead, there are other annoyances I have had to deal with.

For instance, how would you feel about your corpse being dragged around the fucking world, day after day (looking like a MESS, at that)? For the love of Amun Ra, have some mercy! I look like absolute fucking shit and do not wish to be seen by a scarab, let alone plastered all over international newspapers!

Or how about having scientists remove and dissect one of your testicles to study it, and then have it graciously re-attached? Pardon ME. PERVERTS!!

Wow. It's not easy being the world's most famous archaeological discovery.

*kicks sarcaphogus lid*

Raid my tomb

And.. [21 Mar 2002|06:50pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

Just look at me. Aren't I a fucking looker?

I look like a dusty pile of shit.

This is not the way a great King should look. I should appear majestic and grand, with rows of gold and jewels lacing my neck. Instead, I am lying here with a couple hundred rows of decomposing bandages lacing my head.

There are centuries worth of mold growing upon my arms and feet. My skin will crumble if you so much as sneeze on it.

I am not a happy camper.

Raid my tomb

Hmm. [21 Mar 2002|06:22pm]
[ mood | restless ]

So. I'm kind of stuck in this sarcophogus, with 3 different layers of coffin (lucky me). I guess I made my own bed. Not to mention the glory of having to deal with the smell in this wretch. It's really quite a dream.

An ancient corpse with a journal?

Don't ask me how I managed to fit this laptop in here, but thank Osiris that I did. I'm so fucking bored.

Raid my tomb

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